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Disciple’s Experience: Guruji’s Presence

24 January 2013 One Comment Print article Print article

At Guruj’s birthday celebration in Antioch this month, there was no lack of devotees, devotion, incredible food or the sweet nectar of Ma’s and Guruji’s shakti. As the ceremony progressed I could not help but fall into deep meditation, hardly able to participate in the ceremony in an outward sense. Finally, after the bija mantra meditation we were to go up to do a brief individual puja to Guruji’s murti (statue) and sandals.

As I moved closer to the murti I thought, “Nobody but myself, not even my guru, can remove the final barrier to merge with God that is pure awareness itself.” Over the years I have experienced a spontaneous form of self-inquiry that would arise in deep meditation at my heart center. My sense of self would merge with a deeper sense of pure awareness and then dissolve into a tiny point at the top of the head; then this source point of original awareness would dissolve into the infinite expanse for a moment before all perception ceased. A single, minimal thought of “I am” would cause creation to resume and consciousness to again identify with its own self-reflexive illusion of separation.

Suddenly I realized that God can and does take the entire being of the devotee, not just the soul, and absorbs every last particle…

These experiences led me to understand that there is no such thing as the soul merging in anything other than itself. Ultimately we must all deal with the illusion of separation alone. In other words, God can only truly be reached within. This realization sometimes leaves me feeling aloof and with no desire for thoughts or actions of any kind. This aloof feeling grew very strong as I came closer to Guruji’s murti. My eyes closed as I sat in front of the murti, and liquid light filled my vision and entire body. I felt Guruji’s presence magnified 1,000 fold and I felt not just my soul or subtle energy but my entire body enveloped into His body through that of the murti.

Suddenly I realized that God can and does take the entire being of the devotee, not just the soul, and absorbs every last particle; and I realized this form of self-realization is equally as valid as self-inquiry. One can be in the waking state in a form of deep meditation yet with the senses somehow active and merge completely with God, who is Guru in the felt sense.

This is why Dhyanyogi is also Krishna, because we can reach Him through the form or formless practice. The guru is the repository of knowledge, yet one can simply meditate on him or her and reach the final goal without having to understand any philosophy or scripture.

Jai Gurudev,



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One Comment »

  • Brian Reed said:

    Jai Sita Ram,
    It was brought to my attention last night at the Shivaratri Celebration in Antioch that this experience had been posted online. Originally I thought that I had asked for my name not to be posted if used. The disciple who brought it to my attention said he can only hope that at some point he will have a little taste of that so I had to remind/encourage him that I had spent almost two decades on this path doing intensive saddhana and attending any and every event I could possibly or impossibly attend over the last 18 years. When I first started sitting in 95,’ I could not for more than a few minutes without a lot of pain/distraction/distress in my knees/hips/back/neck and mind. However it is the guru’s grace that makes what was once impossible become possible.
    These are just experiences, not the truth itself. They are really the process of allowing the unconscious mind to unwind. Everyone’s experience are unique and cannot be compared with each other. In and of themselves they mean nothing outside of the subjective individual experience required to move forward on the path for each individual uniquely. However they do not come easy for most of us and to really advance on any spiritual path requires tremendous sacrifice for anyone.
    I have not reach the final gaol, I have not become “enlightened.” The value is not in a label, but in the lasting change of our internal landscape, the deep rooted patterning of the mind; where we mistake appearances for truth. A city cannot be built in a day, and sometimes the landscape is quite difficult to manage but the unruly landscape of our mind can be changed, little bit by bit, baby step by baby step. It is those little changes we don’t notice that stay with us (Regular Saddhana is key).
    The doorway to the infinite is the ‘Atma,’ or Self, that little feeling of “I”or the center or source point of original awareness/witness consciousness. Without thought this “I” is infinite, with thought “i” is finite/changing (I am).
    “I” It is the original thought that makes up all other thoughts and provides the possibility of duality or experiences. This is why self-realization is more about letting go of knowledge, the pealing away of layers rather than acquiring it because in a sense all knowledge is false, even the experience of God. Then we are just getting into semantics. “Who am I?” The answer is the one asking the question, what is it?

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