Dreams of Mt. Kailash
After I returned home I was bedridden with a terrible chest cold and a sinus infection, as well as extreme jet lag and an inability to process emotionally all that I had been through. One night I was awake in the wee hours and found myself in touch with a deep sadness. When I looked inside I knew that my sadness came from the fact that I did not have close-up darshan of Mt. Kailash since the kora, or trek, around the mountain had to be cancelled due to stormy weather. I had not known how much I wanted that experience until I let myself drop into my feelings that night.
Years before, I had a strong wish one Shivaratri night that I could be on Mt. Kailash celebrating with Lord Shiva and His friends. I think that wish was part of what brought me on the pilgrimage and now I was having to face the reality that I actually went there and did not have the hoped-for experience. In my slightly altered emotional state of jetlag, physical illness, and exhaustion from the trip I thought to myself that this sadness I was feeling was the way someone must feel when their Guru dies—I knew that the mountain was still there, but I also knew that I would never see it again in this lifetime because for me the trip was too arduous. Anyway, tiredness eventually overtook me and I fell asleep.
That night I had the following dream: We were driving in our trucks and pulled up to the mountain to start walking around it. People were getting out of their trucks and as I was getting out of our truck I looked out and instead of seeing my DYC family, I saw my own relatives! Some were gathering there and others were already walking around Mt. Kailash! There was my Uncle Walter, who has been dead for over thirty years, he had already made it around the mountain once and was part-way through his second lap. On the other side was my Uncle Joe, quite the character and not at all inclined towards yogic things, just about to set out happily on his kora. And there were others, all relatives of mine.
Even in the dream state the magnitude of this vision had such an impact on me that I burst into tears of bewilderment and astonishment. The crying awakened me from the dream and as I thought for a moment it dawned on me that Guruji had told Anandi Ma that we had successfully completed the pilgrimage. And though I had heard that our families would benefit from our endeavor, I had no idea how literally that would apply to our actual family members. It took me quite a while to fully take in the significance of that dream. Yet as the days went by, I found that my sadness and desire for close-up darshan of the mountain was replaced by a very peaceful feeling of acceptance and a greater appreciation for other promises that the Gurus have made. My faith is increasing because of the grace of our Gurus, and I feel quite certain that this dream was not just for me but for everyone.
Jai Guru Dev!
Pranams and deepest gratitude,