An Evening of Grace
The following is a disciple’s personal experience of Guruji that occurred in India in 1991:
I want to describe an experience I had with Guruji. One night after the tour had ended, five of the American disciples were having darshan. Usually there were other disciples present, and someone would translate for us. But this evening there was no translator, so it felt more intimate and I decided to ask a personal question that had been trou bling me. Without going into gory details, my under lying question was essentially, “Why do terrible things happen in the world? And given they do, what is the point of life?” Guruji answered me first in words by saying in English, “It’s all part of it. Don’t worry.” But along with these words, he transmitted non-verbally two teachings — that even things that seem terrible and ugly are a part of creation and are Grace, and that creation is not some thing that happened a long time ago to which all we can do is react (as I’d always believed).
Creation is now. God is creating all the time and our lives and all the forms and events we experience are manifestations of divine energy. He taught that to surrender to the Guru is to surrender to this knowledge, to merge with it. These may have been words I’d heard before, but they meant nothing to me beyond intellectual concepts. Now the concepts were as alive as creation Itself. Guruji infused me with this knowledge as though he had poured it into my blood stream, and He keeps deepening this knowledge in me daily since my return home.
How did he actually transmit this to me? Well, after his verbal answer, Guruji began tapping his fingers on the side of his bed frame. He tapped for about a half hour. Occasionally — according to one eyewitness disciple who was able to keep his eyes open while the rest of us were “out” — he would turn and make mudras or some sort of greeting to a picture of Lord Ram next to his bed, and then resume his tapping. There were no other noises and no one entered the room. It was as if we were sealed in this experience and time itself had stopped. During this half hour, I felt as if Guruji was pulling me across the room by my hair toward him. I finally “gave in” and slid forward to bow at his feet. I was overcome with emotional storms, crying, laughing, mind-melding with a little ant who lived on Guruji’s floor, feeling very silly and peaceful and filled with joy and love. I felt Guruji had molecularly restructured my body, had altered me on a cellular level.
After our darshan was over, the five of us stood outside in the road comparing notes. Each of us had the experience that some deep and aching question had been answered. In one way or another, we were all in awe, asking each other and ourselves, “What happened? Did that really happen? Did you feel it, too? What did you feel?”
And, of course, we’d all felt it. We all knew Guruji had “worked on us,” blessed us, changed us profoundly in some magical way. This is what I hope to pass on in this letter– the energy of this evening of Grace, the Grace of having a Guru who is Shiva Himself. I know that so clearly now. I felt Guruji to be a temple, that his body was the ancient floors and walls that absorbed the energy of the devotion of countless people, and that he was also the temple murti Itself. He is the fire that burns off our impurities and melts down our resistance. He is love and tenderness and, and, although he is no longer on this physical plane, he is still guarding us all and leading us home to him.